How Sirius Stupidity is Preventing Me from Hearing Howard Stern

I love Howard Stern and I make no apology for it.

I realize he isn't everybody's proverbial cup of tea--though I believe the aversion of many is due to inaccurate presumptions--but I have listened for much of my adult life and have derived great pleasure...and even considerable enlightenment.

A couple years ago I wrote a long piece on my fandom, and also wrote about seeing him at an America's Got Talent taping this spring. So this isn't primarily about Howard himself.

If anything, it's to Howard himself.

For I know from years of listening how much Howard Stern appreciates his listeners--and doesn't like them being taken advantage of.

So as I have gotten nowhere with SiriusXM Listener Care, Customer Service, et al., I thought I would take the tack to air this here.

I can't say I really expect much, but if nothing else, I feel like sharing it.

When Howard Stern announced in the fall of 2004 that he would be leaving terrestrial radio for Sirius in January 2006, I became a Sirius stockholder.

And in June 2005, I became a Sirius subscriber, purchasing a Lifetime subscription for $500.

I also bought a JVC Sirius receiver unit at Best Buy and had it installed in my 2004 Dodge Stratus, which I still have.

Although years ago, the LED display on my unit conked out, I didn't really need it, because I knew where Howard 100 & 101 were preset.

I also came to really like the E Street Radio channel dedicated to Bruce Springsteen, Little Steven's Underground Garage and later Pearl Jam Radio, but Howard Stern was 100% the reason I became a Sirius subscriber and 90% of what I listened to on it over the years.

When Sirius merged with XM, my Sirius stock tanked, but I retained the channel lineup I had all along, and also could hear it over the internet.

In recent months, my JVC receiver--which was distinct from my in-dash car stereo but connected to it--perpetually displayed an "Acquiring Signal" message and wouldn't play any audio. This was annoying, but when it initially happened, I wasn't steadily working so would listen to Howard at home over the internet.

But I recently started in a new job assignment (i.e. a finite gig) and though I am really only driving to & from a train station, I missed hearing Howard (and rare Springsteen concerts) on my commute.

So I called Sirius, a few times, first to see if they could remedy the technical issue, and when they couldn't, in hopes of getting a replacement radio at a reasonable cost. The prices they quoted for a new plug-and-play (i.e. not in-dash) radio always seemed to be higher than what I was seeing on Amazon or BestBuy.com, and SiriusXM customer service never could answer how I was supposed to remove my old unit and utilize the "Vehicle Kit" they said would accompany a Starmate 8, Status 7 or Stratus 6.

The fact that the unit Sirius was trying to sell me--and the prices--kept changing with each call also made wary, so one day last week I just went to Best Buy.

The purchase and installation actually wound up taking 3 trips to Best Buy, but I'll condense the story.

Best Buy had some plug-and-play docks, but they all seemed to be marked as "XM" units. I was aware that getting Howard Stern is an extra charge to those who were originally XM--and not Sirius--subscribers before the merger.

So I looked at In-Dash units, and though several indicated they were "SiriusXM Ready" only the Alpine CDE-SXM145BT included the Sirius tuner required to actually receive the satellite programming.

The unit was $199.99, but this particular week installation was included in the price (though not all necessary parts). I also liked that I would be able to plug my iPhone & iPod into the receiver, so that helped to justify an upgrade to an otherwise working in-dash car stereo.

I asked the salesperson at Best Buy if I would be able to transfer my Sirius Lifetime Subscription to this Alpine unit, and he said yes. I also called SiriusXM and was told the same thing, and was also told this by the Best Buy installer.

As the stereo was being installed, I called SiriusXM to get service switched to my new radio. For the first time, I was told there was a $75 transfer fee for doing so. I argued about this (I don't recall it being cited when I bought my "Lifetime" subscription), but after explicitly asking if all the same channels would switch over and being told "Yes"--even upon them asking me if I listened to Howard Stern--I paid it, after being transferred to a billing person, with whom I further reiterated this confirmation.

So the first thing I do after getting in the car and leaving the Best Buy audio dock is try to dial up Howard 100.

And I didn't have it.

So I called SiriusXM again, talked to an account rep who explained that I now had an XM Radio and would have to pay another $100 to get XM Premium to hear Howard Stern.

WTF?

I wound up talking to a supervisor named Daniel Alfonse, who agreed that the situation and policy was unfair, but all he was able to do was offer to waive 50% off the fee, so I'd have to pay $50.

This still seems ludicrous, as not only did I purchase the only in-dash car stereo sold by Best Buy that was equipped to receive SiriusXM, but the only reason I did so was so I could continue to hear Howard Stern.

And as you can see in the photo above, nowhere on the box--or even in the manual--does it indicate that this is an XM-specific radio.

I even subsequently had an online chat--with a guy named Joseph--and another call with a rep named Christine, and neither could cite a stereo I should have bought instead.

And now, get this, I can't even get Howard on the Internet anymore because I'm considered as having XM equipment!!!

So to summarize: I've been a lifetime Sirius subscriber since 2005, wanted to keep listening despite my radio conking out, bought a stereo I was advised would work, had this confirmed repeatedly by SiriusXM, was belatedly informed (and paid) a $75 transfer fee, lost my ability to hear Howard Stern and was told I need to pay $100--or $50 as a "solution"--in order to do so. And I also lost my ability to at least listen on the internet.

Suffice it to say, so far I haven't ponied up the extra $50, but feel stupid for the $335 I already paid to not get what I want.

This doesn't just seem unfair, it seems fraudulent. Or, one might say, like Sirius bullshit.

So I hope Howard hears about this. I think he'd agree it's a stupid way for him to lose a loyal listener and avid fan.

Hey now!

Return of the King: Why Five More Years of Howard Stern Is Sirius Cause for Celebration

Happy New Year.

Today is the first workday of 2011 for most of those fortunate to be employed, although as I've corroborated with a number of people, far too many of those who do have jobs are under-employed, overworked (often due to departmental downsizing), underpaid, under-appreciated, unenthusiastic and, while most have the decorum not to complain, seemingly pretty miserable.

So while I certainly am trying, and hopeful, to land something worthwhile in the not-too-distant future, I remain thankful for what was a rather enjoyable and gratifying 2010, even without substantive employment.

Beyond good health and wonderful relationships with friends and family members, I am quite grateful to the myriad creative folks--from part-time local actors to long-dead classical composers--who once again so greatly enriched my life with performances and creations that not only provided hours of entertainment, but truly significant emotional nourishment. I have tried to share many of my passions and pursuits on this blog, and hope that whether you are particular to opera or baseball, Renaissance painting or Radiohead, all of the above or anything in between, you have found some merit in my meanderings, even when our tastes don't match.

For today I am opting to sing the praises of the self-proclaimed "King of All Media": Mr. Howard Allan Stern.

Someone to whom I am not only thankful for years of entertainment--in December 2009, I ranked Howard Stern second among My Favorite Entertainers of the 00s (behind only Bruce Springsteen)--but quite grateful that just three weeks ago, on his last contracted day on air at SiriusXM, he announced that he had renewed his deal for another 5 years.

I know it may sound hollow to those who hate Howard or those who just don't bother to listen--often one and the same, particularly since he's been on satellite radio--but there would be a considerable void in the brainwaves of my life if I wasn't able to hear Howard Stern four days a week (plus rebroadcasts), most weeks of the year.

Given that Stern is, by far, the highest paid radio personality in history and that studies have shown that his audience is far more educated and affluent than many might assume, I'm not sure why I feel compelled to write of my affinity almost as a defense, or at least a justification. Although as a regular listener I know that more than 90% of his shows' content would be fine for teenagers--and the other 10% not much worse than much of what passes for mass culture these days--I am an adult listening to subscription-based programming that can't be accessed by accident. 

Howard Stern & wife Beth (photo: HowardStern.com)

And yet, openly admitting that I'm an avid Howard Stern fan still feels a bit like being caught looking at a Playboy in a bookstore, hidden between the covers of TIME.

In fact, I can't deny that it's crossed my mind that writing and posting this might not be the smartest thing at a time when potential employers can easily access one's entire online footprint. But while none of this should really reflect on my capacity to do excellent work--as I always have in the past--I hope that anyone who might hold liking Howard Stern against me not only avoid any hypocrisy, but factor it below my never having taken drugs, driven drunk, been arrested, gotten a speeding ticket, caused an accident, insulted a co-worker, started a fist-fight or danced topless on Daytona Beach.

OK, I did that last one when I was a freshman in college, but I don't think it was caught on tape. Heck, I don't even care much for pornography.

But then, Howard isn't nearly the lewd provocateur nor misogynistic hate-monger that many non-listeners may presume (or that the silly "Shock Jock" moniker seems to denote).

Sure, I'll switch the station if my Mom's in the car with me--one of the great things about Stern's show on SiriusXM is that it repeats all day, making "drive time" listening largely irrelevant--but even when Howard is at his most profane or perverse, which is honestly only about once a month, it's not like he's saying anything she hasn't heard from a theater stage.

And truly, although very little truly offends me, I find Stern and his longtime cohorts (including Robin Quivers, Fred Norris, Gary Dell'Abate and formerly, and hopefully sometime again, Artie Lange) often at their least compelling when discussing naked porn stars in the studio. Although even here, "haters" would likely be shocked at how humanely he treats his guests, I much prefer when Stern is interviewing more mainstream stars or just discussing everyday minutia with Robin. (For a guy who many people associate with "going over the edge," Stern has an almost perversely uncool attraction to American Idol, Dancing With The Stars, The Bachelorette and almost all lame reality TV.)

No less a respected commentator on American life than Roger Ebert has said that there's "no better interviewer than Howard Stern; he asks what people want to know." And while there are some questions Howard asks that make me a bit queasy--and even days when I just choose to "change the channel"--in a world of artificial, publicist-ratified drivel, Howard Stern dares to be real, honest, open (and self-deprecating) about himself and expects nothing less from his guests.

Sure, most "A-listers" avoid him, but there are few stars who've answered Howard's most inquisitive questions that I haven't gained more respect for, although I also admire the guests that know how to artfully avoid anything they don't want to discuss.

A few weeks before Christmas, the three members of Wilson Phillips came in to promote their new holiday album and wound up discussing sexual acts, but far beyond being prurient, it was really just a refreshingly candid conversation. I've never cared all that much about Wilson Phillips, but I couldn't get out of my car; it was that compelling. Demonstrating his rare gift for going from salty to sweet in the same sentence, Howard was able to elicit intimate details from Chynna Phillips, not just about her bedroom preferences with husband Billy Baldwin, but about her feelings about her father's ("Papa John" Phillips) incestuous relationship with her half-sister Mackenzie Phillips, and about Mackenzie's decision to go public with the revelations.

Now, I may have just mentioned a boatload of topics you might never wish to hear discussed, but if nothing else, you have to admit there's nowhere else you would. Although Howard has rightfully complained, especially when he was frequently fined for things he said while on terrestrial radio, that Oprah often gets away with talking about much more intimate topics, demonstrating not only the double standard of the FCC, but much of the public. And I think it says something that co-host Robin Quivers, who provides a remarkable counterbalance to some of Stern's debauchery, has stayed by his side for 30 years, along with much of his loyal staff.

Co-host Robin Quivers

Anyway, I am not insisting that everyone listen to Howard Stern--and for $12.95/month, SiriusXM may
not be worth your while, although there are also tons of great music channels with no commercials; I bought a "lifetime" subscription for $500 in 2005, all the more reason I'm delighted that Howard re-upped--as he certainly may not be everyone's cup of tea.

But if you have access--and SiriusXM is offering a free 30-day trial--I suggest that if you stick with listening to Howard and his crew for a four-day Monday-Thursday period, you're quite likely to go from "this crap is exactly what I expected" to "hmm, that's kinda funny" to "you know, he's not that bad all the time" to "sign me up, I can't stop listening."

After starts and stops with Howard dating back to the late-80s--because he only intermittently broadcast into the Chicago market, because I preferred Steve & Garry and believed Steve Dahl's claims to have pre-developed a similar act and because I just didn't love what I was hearing--I reached the last phase above about 10 years ago. (Stern's biographical 1997 movie, Private Parts, also helped sell me.)

Now in his mid-50s, he's even better on satellite radio than he was over-the-air, and though he can say swear words, his act is actually considerably less ribald. Love him or hate him, there's no one like Howard Stern--even just his longevity in a fickle business is damn impressive--and I'm Siriusly delighted he'll be around for another 5 years.