Showing posts with label Ken. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ken. Show all posts

Monday, August 12, 2019

Guest Post by Ken: Chance the Snapper. Not a Croc.

So, Chicago has a herpetological reputation, i.e. snakepit of corruption.

But this summer, for a week, Chicago's reptilian reputation was redeemed by an errant alligator.

Someone secretly released a five foot alligator into a city park lagoon.

Public reaction was at first, shock and disbelief. After a few days it morphed into amusement, then finally enthusiastic support as the critter evaded capture.

As the farce continued, quintessential Chicago behavior was put on display.

First authorities obtained a volunteer alligator catcher nicknamed Alligator Bob. (The guy didn't want his last name used for reasons which will soon become apparent.)

News pictures of Alligator Bob showed him endlessly paddling the lagoon in circles while peering into the watery depths with laser-like concentration. After six days this made Alligator Bob look like a befuddled buffoon.

The alligator was now gaining renown and became an underdog (or, I guess, undergator?) for his valiant efforts to remain free.

Remember, this is Chicago, the place that rooted for a guy named John Dillinger for eluding the cops, too.

An online metropolitan contest was conducted and the wily reptile was named "Chance the Snapper".

Even the governor submitted an entry.

Note the name resemblance to the homegrown rapper. He even got into the act via Twitter, lending his support to the little guy's escape attempts.

Then a week long circus commenced.

People, families with children, joggers, fishermen and even tourists came to the lagoon for a chance to see Chance. Food vendors did particularly well. Tee shirt and balloon vendors sold out while stuffed alligator toys were snapped up.

True to form, Chicago always is the "City on the make..."

The lagoon may even have outdrawn the local zoo, especially when Chance became a national news figure. Not as big as Trump but definitely more than Pelosi. (Meanwhile, Alligator Bob was still paddling in circles looking for... something.)

The Saturday night salsa party at the park's boathouse was particularly well attended but Chance didn't feel like busting a move.

I'm not sure if Alligator Bob attended. There were rumors that he went across the border to obtain fireworks in Indiana so he could come back and fish with dynamite.

After a week city officials realized that Alligator Bob had bitten off more than he could chew and did what Chicago pols always do: they brought in a ringer.

An alligator specialist from Florida, Crocodile Frank, was flown in.

Taking a chance at night he snagged Chance with a fishing rod.

Crocodile Frank became an instant hero and even threw out the first pitch at the next day's Cubs game.

And Chance? He won an all expenses paid trip to a 5-star alligator resort, I mean preserve, in Florida.

Crocodile Frank says Chance has it made in the shade for the rest of his life.

Chance happily acknowledged his good fortune by jauntily showing up to his press conference looking dapper in his red bow tie.

The above are just the facts. But those of us who been around Chicago awhile know the real inside story.

Chance might be an alligator but he's no dummy.

After getting stuck with hundreds of dollars in parking tickets and getting shafted by yet another horrendous property tax increase, Chance got fed up. He got into the lagoon, ran everybody around in circles, put on a helluva show... and got the hell out of Dodge by convincing the taxpayers to pay for an all-expenses-paid trip to Florida followed up with a lifetime pension.

Chance learned from the many Chicago politicians who preceded him.

Can't beat 'em... Join 'em.

That's not a crock.

See ya later.

Thursday, January 05, 2017

Pithy Philosophies #31

My friend Ken, who's become a maven of 6-word axioms, conveyeth:

Hedonism is nihilism with sugar added.
 

Saturday, October 08, 2016

Pithy Philosophies #30

My friend Ken conveyeth:

Life is not a narrative but rather a series of present moments strung together.
 

Monday, April 07, 2014

Guest Post: In His Old Neighborhood, Nelson Algren's 105th Birthday Party Celebrates a Chicago Gone By

(This piece was written and submitted by my friend Ken)

"Mr. Algren, boy, you are good."
-- Ernest Hemingway

Hemingway praised only two of his contemporary writers. The first was William Faulkner. The second was Nelson Algren

Now, all but forgotten, Algren is arguably Chicago's most quintessential author, with all due respects to Carl Sandburg, Saul Bellow and Ben Hecht.

He won the 1950 National Book Award for The Man with the Golden Arm, a story about the sad life of Frankie Machine, a morphine addicted, decorated veteran of World War II who eked out a bleak and meager existence dealing cards. The novel is widely recognized as a timeless 20th century classic of American literature.

What Hemingway was to war, Algren was to Chicago's urban losers.

Walt Whitman may have sung of himself, but Algren, with his dark naturalism, told the story of the whores, pimps, drug addicts, con men, gamblers, punks, drunks, cripples and ne'er-do-wells from Milwaukee and Division.

In a lifetime spent producing 11 books, he told the story of those whom the American Dream left behind--through no fault of their own--because no one else would.

A chronicler of Capitalism's casualties, he was a true bard of the down-and-outer and a social conscience at a time when most Americans were busy moving out to the suburbs during the post-World War II boom.

"The hard necessity of bringing the judge on the bench down into the dock has been the peculiar responsibility of the writer in all ages of man."
-- Nelson Algren, "Chicago: City on the Make"

Algren died in 1981, but a small-yet-dedicated group of Chicago writers, artists, intellectuals and progressives still remember him.

Every year, for the last 25, the Nelson Algren Committee has thrown a birthday party for their namesake scribe. This year, Algren would have been 105 on March 28.

So I found myself making a pilgrimage back to Wicker Park/Bucktown in Chicago to visit a time that is long gone, a Chicago that no longer exists, yet a place that will be with me always because Algren's Chicago was where I grew up, about a mile from where he lived.

"Yet once you've come to be part of this particular patch, you'll never love another. Like loving a woman with broken nose, you may well find lovelier lovelies. But never a lovely so real."
-- Nelson Algren, "Chicago: City on the Make"

The party took place in the meeting room of a condominium complex/artist colony off Western Avenue at Bloomingdale at 8:00pm on Saturday, March 29th.

Warren Leming, a writer/musician/director and founder of the counter-culture band Wilderness Road, is also one of the founding members (along with the late Studs Terkel) of the Nelson Algren Committee.

Leming kicked off the festivities by telling the crowd of about 50 fellow Bohemians that the party was being co-dedicated to the memory of Pete Seeger, "truly a conscience in touch with humanity, whose courage and conviction will be much missed."

Mark Dvorak, Chicago folksinger and teacher at the Old Town School of Folk Music, then honored Seeger by leading us in a group sing-along of "This Land is Your Land"--which did a great job of creating a feeling of solidarity--and "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?" which I found poignant, moving and somewhat sad.


Mark's stories of singing at an Oak Park food pantry on a regular basis reminded me that some things
never change.

Algren wouldn't have been surprised. Nor Seeger for that matter.

"Money can't buy everything. For example: poverty."
-- Nelson Algren, A Walk on the Wild Side

Next, Chicago actor, opera singer and voice-over artist, Bob Swan, did readings from a couple of Algren's lesser-known writing efforts.

One was a biting satirical reply to Maggie Daly, at the time a well-known Chicago gossip columnist (not the mayor's wife) who had disclosed in her column that Algren had been arrested in a car, with two other passengers, which contained the remnants of a joint.

Algren's mug shot is still infamous and now immortalized on a coffee mug, but the charges were dropped. His reference to the time he saw Daly "lapping up" a spilled drink from a saucer--as recited by Swan--was hilarious.

Swan's second reading was a more humorous description of the time Nelson first met Mike Royko, a famous muckraking columnist for the now-defunct Chicago Daily News, at a bar. Algren thought his real first name was Roy and he had a short last name: Ko.

Chris Corbett, a writer from Baltimore and author of The Poker Bride, recounted that while attending Northwestern University in the 60s he tried to get Algren to speak there, but Nelson declined.

But when the famed author accepted a speaking engagement at Loyola University down the road, Corbett took the El train to the event. Corbett recalled how all the famous authors who spoke at Northwestern inevitably showed up drunk, while Algren--who, like Hemingway, had a hard-drinking reputation--showed up at Loyola nattily dressed in a suit & tie and quite sober.

Touchingly, Corbett said that of all of his memories from 40+ years ago of Chicago in the 1960s--the protests in the streets, the anti-war movement, the counter-cultural movement, the society tearing itself apart, etc.--his most vivid memory is of Nelson Algren reading aloud. In his own lifetime, Corbett has never encountered "a more spellbinding reader."

Each year, the Nelson Algren Committee Award is given to "community members who are under the radar and on the side of the angels." This year's honorees are the men and women of free-form radio station "The Wizard," WZRD (88.3 FM) who are celebrating 35 years of providing progressive radio from Northeastern Illinois University.

The WZRD representatives reminded us of present environmental issues by drawing attention to the recent BP oil spill in Whiting, Indiana and suggested we check out the Arctic News blog, commenting that "it must be pretty serious if the scientists themselves are trying to attract attention."

(As an aside, I have to say that the blog article regarding the possibility of near term human extinction due to recently discovered methane fountains under the melted Arctic icecap was disconcerting to say the least. My own research indicates that the facts of the conjecture are not in dispute.)

Photo by Art Shay
Algren also had a personal life. The love of his life was Simone de Beauvoir, a renowned French feminist and author of The Second Sex. Although a lifetime companion of Jean Paul Sartre--the famed French philosopher and proponent of existentialism--de Beauvoir carried on a simultaneous 20-year love affair with Algren. (When she died 6 years after Algren, de Beauvoir was buried next to Sartre but wearing Algren's ring.)

Gail Schecter, a North Shore community housing advocate, filled us in on some of the details by reading from the Letters from Simone de Beauvoir:

"Nelson My love, ...I was deeply moved when I read in your letter that you loved, as well as my eyes, my ways in love. And I thought I had to tell you these ways were just my loving you. I had always the same eyes, but I never loved anybody in these ways, you have to know, with such pleasure in love and so much love in pleasure, so much fever and peace,.... I really and wholly felt that I was a woman in a man's arms and it meant much so much for me. Nothing better could have been given to me. ... Just come to me darling and take me with your strong , soft, greedy hands. I wait for them, I wait for you."

Tragically, although one can see that they really did love each other, neither was willing to leave their respective locales--he Chicago, she Paris--and theirs was a largely a trans-Atlantic commuter affair until Algren was denied a passport. But Simone loved Chicago and referred to Nelson as the "Dostoyevsky of Division Street."

Photographer Art Shay, a friend of Algren's, took a scandalous photo of Simone in 1951 or 52 on one of her visits to see Nelson.

Dennis Mueller and Mark Blottner showed a clip from their almost-completed documentary about Algren, The End is Nothing, the Road is All, the trailer for which can be seen here. The film is in post-production and needs a few hundred dollard in contributions before it can be finished and released later this year. The film's title is taken from Algren's epitaph on his gravestone.

Photo by Art Shay
It is a time honored tradition that Nelson Algren birthday parties end with the distribution of candle-lit cupcakes and the singing of "Sto Lat," which is the Polish version of the birthday song.

This year, as the cupcakes were about to be passed around, the young lady holding the platter of shimmering cupcakes slipped and fell with the cupcakes. Fortunately, she was not hurt, but when she stood up, I could see that the vast majority of the icing had wound up on her legs. She must have been a good sport as she couldn't stop laughing.

Somehow I had the feeling that Nelson would've laughed too.

We sang "Sto Lat" anyway.
"Never play cards with a man called Doc. Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never sleep with a woman whose troubles are worse than your own."
-- Nelson Algren, A Walk on the Wild Side

---
Here's a link to some of Nelson Algren's best essays.

Here's one of Algren's proteges, Russell Baker of Princeton, explaining the true literary impact of Algren's work.

If  you'd like even more of a feel for what a Nelson Algren birthday party is like, here's a link to video from his 103rd birthday party

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Another Guest Post from my friend Ken, who's either a Nihilist, a Realist or a Satirist. Or all three.

Pay Your Fair Share
(or: No One Believed George Orwell Either)


As we all know, the dangerous state of our American deficit compels us to make some hard choices.

Entitlements that we have long considered sacred must now be cut. We must curtail future spending on Medicare, Medicaid, Social Security, etc.

But this will not be enough.

In order to protect the future of our children, cutting these entitlement programs can only be a minor beginning.

In the patriotic interests of mutual shared sacrifice among all Americans, I offer the following idea.

The 150 million or so Americans who work in offices need to consider slashing their entitlements too. If you work in an office setting, you know what I'm talking about. The dirty little secret we all carry around inside. The collective guilt we all know is there, but we never talk about. But the time has come.

It's time we step up and pay our fair share for our work places. And the services and amenities they provide.

We have been freeloading far too long.

Do YOU get free electricity at home? NO.
Do YOU get free computers at home? NO.
Do YOU get free internet access at home? NO.
Do YOU get free chairs at home? NO.
Do YOU get free desks at home? NO.
Do YOU get free phone service at home? NO.
Do YOU get free faxes at home? NO.
Do YOU get free heat at home? NO.
Do YOU get free air conditioning at home? NO.
Do YOU get free water at home? NO. 

Do YOU get free toilet paper at home? NO.
Do YOU get free pens and Post-It notes and paper clips at  home?
Do YOU get free space to exist in at home, without rent or mortgage or property taxes? NO.  

Our employers are paying for our heat, light, facilities, electricity, not to mention other expenses such as worker's compensation insurance, fire insurance, etc.

Because you pay for these services at home, you realize just how much our employers are paying to give us facilities to work within and resources with which to accomplish our daily tasks.

And what about parking? For those of us who park for free in company parking lots, don't you think our employers could use those parking lots more efficiently? Rightfully, we should be paying for our parking, too.

Now, you might think I'm just being wacky ol' sarcastic Ken, but think about it. Your employer isn't paying the $4.09 per gallon of gas (or transit fare) it takes to get to work. They're not paying for the shopping, laundry and/or dry cleaning required to maintain a business wardrobe. And most aren't paying for the Blackberry and monthly rate plan mandatory for 24/7 tethering. So why are you entitled to keep freeloading off their bandwidth and air conditioning?

How asinine is it to be expected to pay workplace usage fees when there are literally hundreds of people who would take your place in a second, even if it means bringing not just their own coffee to work, but file folders and notepads and a chair they can get cheap at Walmart?
If we began to pay our fair share of these ongoing workplace expenses...say, five to six hundred dollars a month...we would relieve our employers of TRILLIONS of dollars of unfair overhead expenses that they have been paying for YEARS.
Relieved of these enormous cost burdens, do you realize how many new JOBS our employers could create to help out our fellow unemployed Americans?

Also, all of us would be able to claim these work related expenses as legitimate TAX deductions. This would save all employed white collar employees BILLIONS of dollars of taxes. Do you have any concept of what a fantastic stimulus that would be to our ailing economy? It would be an absolutely extraordinary boost to all of us as consumers.

The place is right here, the time is right now. Let this be the beginning of the grassroots movement to "Pay Your Fair Share!"

Don't wait for a leader. Each and every one of you should go back to your place of employment and urge your fellow employees to examine their consciences, step up and demand to "Pay Your Fair Share!" Make sure you let your employer know that you are urging your fellow employees to "Pay Your Fair Share!" too. Your efforts will be appreciated and  rewarded.

It's your patriotic duty. Let the virtue of sacrifice guide your actions.

In the words of our beloved former president, John F. Kennedy, "Ask not what your country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country." 

Or at least the corporations that run it.